High School

Ugh. Why did I think it would be easy?

Picking a high school, that is.

In the last weeks, we have realized that God's plans are not the same as our plans. Of course, this is something we already knew, but sometimes, it just seems that maybe God might go with our plan. Foolish thinking, right?

We have been planning for this day for years. Where will our son go to high school? Both of our kids have only ever attended private, Christian schools since K-3. They have lived in this little protected bubble, but since the school they attend ends at 8th grade, we always knew this day would come, and we knew that public school would be the plan.

I've honestly considered homeschooling, but let's face it- with a gifted and talented child, I can no longer offer the adequate rigor that he would need at the high school level. I don't even understand half of the things that fascinate him, like lingusitics and quantum physics. I also cannot stomach putting my child in front of a computer or tv all day to be schooled. I'm not saying it's bad, it's just not the choice for us. So, homeschooling is out.

Next, we planned on charter school. Andy is way smart- and that's not an observation of an overly proud mother. He was reading my college biology book by age 5 AND comprehending it, so he needs a challenge. Of course, dear hubby and I assumed that would all take place in the neat confines of a charter school. Small class size, family oriented environment, required parent involvement, college course at the high school level. So we planned, and we filled out paper work, and we bathed it in prayer. All along, we prayed that God would firmly close the door if charter school wasn't the plan. When we applied, we were the 7th applicant. On the lottery day (or the DAY OF DISAPPOINTMENT as I like to call it) we found out that we not only didn't get in, but we are 143 on the waiting list of which only 90 students are accepted. To say that God shut the door is an understatment. He clearly answered our prayers, only I didn't agree with His decision. I never, ever entertained the thought that Andy wouldn't get in, and lo and behold, here we are.

Next option- apply for a rigorous writing program at a fine arts school. We have applied, interviewd, submitted a portfolio, etc. and we won't find out those results until mid-march, but what I do know is that there are 7 open slots and 490 applicants. You do the math.

So now, as we wait for the final results from the fine arts school, we are praying once again that God would reveal the plan. I think I have learned that He is in control, not me. :)

Overwhelmingly, my feelings have turned more towards the fear of watching my child leave everything he's ever known and start over somewhere new. He might be in a place where I know none of the teachers, none of the kids, and none of the parents. No familiarity. Or, he might be in a school where I know many people and I am more comfortable. But, in the end, God keeps bringing me back to this letting go process. He keeps reminding me that this child is a gift to be released back to God, not clutched tightly to my chest in fear of what may be. I have been thinking alot lately about the verses my husband and I picked out when we had Andy dedicated at church as a young child. God drew us to the story of Hannah and Samuel.

The verses we chose were I Samuel 1:27-28:I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there.

At the end of the day, I have to preach these verses to myself. My children are not mine, they are God's. My role is to protect but not to prevent. My kid's lives have a purpose for eternity that they have to fulfill. But, no one told me it would be this hard. There's nothing like parenting to teach you how God feels about you. It makes me wonder how many times God has had to let me walk into the new and unfamiliar in order for me to grow- always protecting, never preventing.

Say a prayer for this Mama's heart, dear friends, as we enter into the next stage of parenting: high school. ;)