On Birthdays

My Mom waited a long time for me to come into her life. I can never remember if it was 9 years or 7 years, but she waited that long for me. She was one of the women chosen to struggle with infertility. She never had any children before me and she was never able to have any children after me. Maybe it was the fact that she wanted me so badly or maybe it was the fact that I was the only child she got, but she poured everything she had into me- the one life God gave her to shepherd.

Every year on my birthday, I felt like the center of the universe. My mom made me feel so loved and special. She taught me that birthdays are to be celebrated and cherished. She taught me that on one special day each year, no matter who you are, you should know that the whole world loves you. And that is how I felt on each birthday for 30 years. I miss her. Terribly.

In the years since she has been gone, I have struggled with the day of my birth. When May rolls around, I know I have two hurdles to jump through- another birthday without my mom and another mother's day without my mom. Those two days always fall within the same week for me. Don't get me wrong- I have all I need. My heart is filled and happy and my family and friends shower me with love and attention, but for me, deep inside, it's not the same as the way it was for 30 years and it's hard to come to terms with the fact that I will never know that special feeling again until heaven. Those of you who have lost your mom or dad know exactly what I mean.

While it is really easy to get caught up in the sad emotions I have to deal with, I decided this year that I would choose to see the blessings. Instead of thinking about what isn't going to be, I have trained my mind to see what is happening right in front of me and that is what I want to leave you with today.

For example, this morning, my day started with a hug from each of my kids and from my husband. A reminder that I am loved. Then I received a card from my husband- more love and words I'll cherish forever. Then as I arrived at school, I was greeted with more cards and a special cake. I work with some of the best people in the world- many of them who daily step in as a mom to me! I had countless students wish me well and some gave me cards and notes and wrote on my board. A wonderful mother of one of my students brought me lunch and a gift. One of my precious, precious students who is also a three year cancer survivor made me a cake. She has no idea how much that means to me- it was almost like my mom who couldn't beat cancer smiled down on this precious young lady who did beat cancer to celebrate with me today, reminding me that life is something to be cherished- always. Then my dear hubby called, telling me he was picking up the kids so I could go home and rest. And then when I got home a former (awesome) student was cutting my grass. I also found yet another cake (#3) at home that my husband made. Tonight we are going out to dinner as a family so I can take a night off cooking. All during the day I have received countless texts and facebook messages wishing me a happy birthday. It's just all been good- very, very good, and I appreciate it deeply. The day isn't over and I still have hours left to cherish this day and the people that fill my life, so for now, good bye, and love to all of you who have made this day sp meaningful for me!